Do You Believe In Soulmates? Ask Yourself These Three Questions.
Written by Meena Niazi, LPCA
Soulmates, twin-flames, perfect-matches, what do all these terms have in common? What do they all share? It is the idea that there is another person out there who not only understands us but that we are compatible with. Now, compatibility doesn’t sound romantic and people often do say, “opposites attract”. However, hear me out. Although differences of opinion are healthy to an extent they are not necessarily a relationship make. You might notice if you are with someone long enough, you begin to mold into them. Share the same clothes, attitudes, and mannerisms. How do we begin to look for our soulmate? And how do we know if we’ve found them?
Relationships at the very basis require respect, compassion, and honesty (communication always!). This is what I call the foundations to the house and if the foundation begins to crack—superficial aspects of your partner become less charming. You can’t have love without respect. I know what your about to ask—what about love? Love of course should be at the core of your relationship but you may notice the longer you’re with your person the love can get lost. But if your foundation is strong you can hopefully pull through it.
So again, how do we begin to look for our soulmate? And how do we know if we’ve found them? We want to first look at the qualities that will help build you a strong foundation. Can you trust your partner, is your partner honest with you? Do they respect you? And do they have compassion.
Your foundation can consist of different qualities but take some to write down your top 3 qualities:
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The second thing you want to do is explore your partner’s biases and values. Now people can say they don’t have any biases but that surely cannot be true and if you want to find out what they are all you have to do is look at is their values. For example, people who highly value education may be biased against those who don’t think education is important. Sharing the same core values can be important to look for in a partner because it makes your relationship stronger. Your core values are meaningful to you so it’s important to have a partner who understands them.
List your core values:
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Beliefs. This is the most common thing people look to share with a potential partner. Beliefs can range from your political, religious, science, human rights, women’s rights,
environmentalist etc. So values and beliefs can sometimes go hand-in-hand. For example, you can be a Catholic but religion may not be a core value for you to look for in a partner. However, you do see the o-zone layer melting and do believe in climate change and feel passionately about it. You place great value on this, therefore it might be important to you to seek a partner who aligns with you here. This doesn’t mean there can’t be differences in opinion again— certainly leave room to be flexible however, also explore what it is that’s important to you.
Another example can be family values or coming from a collectivistic culture there is a great emphasis on family- this can shape your beliefs on what the family structure is supposed to look like and what family means to you.
Now what are some beliefs important to you to share:
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Take some time to explore your needs in a relationship and partner. Identify the qualities your looking for, core values, and beliefs. This exploration can help you begin to choose partners who are better fit for you and offer potentially more longevity. However, we know relationships even the best of them can become messy because of love. Because we are passionate and love isn’t always logical. That’s when we need to begin doing the work either by ourselves or with our partners.
If you relate to this article and are experiencing relationship issues come meet with one of our therapists. Together, we can explore the unique challenges and highs and lows that relationships endure. Begin your journey today! Schedule a call with us, we look forward to see you.